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Yes, what you're going through is very complicated and deep. It is grief and you're on the path finally into the stage of anger the bad news is that you're in it the good news is that you've moved on from shock and denial so at least you're moving. It isn't just about grieving him the person it's about grieving the lifestyle you had when married. I think it's also about getting mad enough to decide to get something better for yourself. In spite of him. It helped me to sit down and daydream out what I wanted for me and my in years really get down to the details on this what kind of neighborhood, what kind of house, schedule, clothes, school, friends, car, social life, sex life, health care plan, savings account the works . It helped to have a written down picture of how much better my life was going to be without the ex. It also gave some goals and I could start gathering resources, help, education, finances, job decisions to support those. As for grief read the book, "How to Fall Out of -" by Dr Phillips emotioanlly you're going to have to unlearn loving him. It's a quick book but has some powerful tools for getting him out of your head and heart. Also read up on the stages of grief it helps to know the map of the territory. Try to find a divorce recovery group. counseling centers have these and some Presbyterian churches offer them (without evangelizing, just as a community service) Catholic church has a powerful divorce recovery weekend that really made a huge difference for my husband. Somehow the focus has to get away from what he HAS and what you're GOING to have. It isn't a competition go for what you want for YOU, not to show him. I know this is hard but it really does happen. 3 years from now you'll be amazed at how far you've come so dream BIG I'm telling you every detail I put down in my goal list came true I just wish I would have dreamed bigger!
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